Lyrics for Carrots, Geese and the Dead Leprechaun

This is the Lyrics page for my live album:

Carrots, Geese and the Dead Leprechaun

currently at http://mgutierrezmay.bandcamp.com/album/carrots-geese-and-the-dead-leprechaun-2

and on CD Baby: http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/michaelgutierrezmay3

 

animated carrot pic

 

The New Songs:

Spider Man On Shutter Island 
A murderess escaped from here, she should be doing 30 years
No one escapes, somehow she can 
She must be just like Spider Man 
(Chorus) 
Spider Man on Shutter Island, Spider Man on Shutter Island 
Spider Man on Shutter Island 

The detective he is in the know, his name, of course, Di Caprio 
He thinks the doctors had a plan 
They turned her into Spider Man 
(chorus) 
A hospital for crazy folks and in the 50's, that's no joke 
Detective Leo holds the key 
But they're giving him a lobotomy like.. 
(chorus) 
Detective Leo's stuck in there, the inmates all have gone somewhere 
A hurricane has hit the coast 
The crazy doctors all are toast 
But this is not the end, no, this is not the end! 
Here comes... 
Spider Man on Shutter Island, Spider Man on Shutter Island 
Spider Man on Shutter Island 
(repeat chorus to end)

@2010 by Michael Gutierrez-May

 

Where Are The Blue Ridge Mountains? 

It's beautiful this place 
The air is fresh, the sky is clear 
It's so overwhelmingly green 
But where are the Blue Ridge Mountains? 
Where are the Blue Ridge Mountains? 

Mountains to the East 
There are mountains to the West 
We must be in the valley 
But where are the Blue Ridge Mountains? 
Where are the Blue Ridge Mountains? 

Mountains everywhere I look 
Which ones are the Blue Ridge? 
They must be far away. 

You say look to the left 
They are all around the valley 
It's so peaceful here. 
The mountains tuck you in. 

Where are the Blue Ridge Mountains? 
Where are the Blue Ridge Mountains? 
Everywhere. 

@2010 by Michael Gutierrez-May

 

I Hate Geese 
by Michael Gutierrez-May and Chris White 

I love ducks 
They're brown and cute 
They don't bother anyone. 
They look at you when you say "hi' 
And wave their tail feathers when you walk by. 
Wave their tail feathers when you walk by. 

I like squirrels 
They are fun and playful 
They look at you before they dart away. 
They climb trees 
And make the park visitors feel at ease. 
They make me feel at ease. 

I like the swans 
So graceful and magnificent 
Their necks are long and strong 
They sometimes have an attitude 
But that's because they are swans. 
Yeah, they're swans. 

I could even like a rat 
When they are bigger 
They are like squirrels with haircuts. 
They graze in the garden after dark 
And nothing goes to waste. 
Nothing goes to waste. 

I sort of like pigeons 
They are proud little birds 
With bobbing beaks and heads. 
They are dirty that's for sure 
But they don't know any better 
They don't know any better. 

I hate geese. 
I hate geese. 
I hate geese. 
Filthy disgusting obnoxious 
Filthy little geese. 
Geese, geese, geese,geese, geese! 

@2010 by Michael Gutierrez-May and Chris White

 

Disneyland's In Therapy 
by Michael Gutierrez-May 

Mickey Mouse is in the house, he's feeling quite distressed 
Donald Duck's run out of luck and acting real depressed 
Pluto's in the doghouse, Cinderella's blue. 
Goofy's shooting up and they don't know what to do. 

Chorus: 
Disneyland's In Therapy, learning how to cope 
This hi-tech has passed them by and they're strung out on dope. 
The cost of constant happiness has gotten very high 
Oh, Disneyland's in therapy, learning to get by. 

Pinocchio keeps telling lies, he's character disordered 
He thinks he's Snow White's long lost son and wants custody court-ordered 
The seven dwarfs, you might expect, are filing an appeal. 
At least if Snow White has a son, they think he should be real. 
(chorus) 

Ron Howard wants to make a film, they won't give him permission 
Poor Sleeping Beauty overdosed and passed out in the kitchen 
When even Dumbo's getting high, the problem's pretty bad. 
I hope that they can use the help, it's hard to see them sad. 
(chorus twice to end)

@1988 by Michael Gutierrez-May

 

The Dead Leprechaun 

by Michael Gutierrez-May

He was born in County Wexford, not far from the Irish Sea 
And he weighed five pounds when he was born 
to Patrick and Mary 
He would grow to a strapping four feet tall 
by the time that he was 3. 

Chorus: 
But is there anything sadder than a dead leprechaun? 
He's hardly noticed when alive, but everyone knows he's gone. 
Oh,he had to die, no reason for it, no good reason why. 
This is a Celtic ballad and in Celtic music, they all die. 

He rose up through the leprechaun ranks, 
a small and sturdy lad 
Picking out four leaf clovers and cheering up the sad. 
The pinnacle was his when he was 21 years old, 
He was chosen by his leaders to defend the pot of gold. 
(chorus) 

His time as guardian, alas, was ever short and sweet. 
He came to work one afternoon, no shoes on his feet 
A bolt of lightning crackled from the dark and stormy sky, 
The lightning hit the pot of gold. 
No time to say good bye. 

Is there anything sadder than a fried leprechaun... 

(chorus to end)

@2011 by Michael Gutierrez-May

 

The Ballad of Dum-Dum 
by Michael Gutierrez-May and Laree Cisco 

I'm from Pawtucket, my girl's in Woonsocket 
I'm an average guy and life is good. 
Got a kid brother whose head is like a rocket, 
Hell. I'm the only decent thing in this neighborhood. 

Chorus: 
My girl got pregnant and it's probably not even mine 
But maybe it is so I gotta stick around 
She works for Amica and I deliver pizza 
Life is good, yeah, life is good. 

Her two cousins talked to me the other day 
Told me to wise up and do the right thing 
I said I'd do it when the right day comes 
But I don't like it much when they call me a dum-dum. 

My girl got pregnant and she told me that it's mine 
I really don't remember so I better stick around 
She works for Amica and I deliver pizza 
Life is good, yeah, life is good. 

She'll graduate from college at the end of this year 
And then she tells me, she's gonna be on TV 
Which means I'll have to drive her to the station 
And on the air, you know she's gonna talk about me. 
( 2nd chorus, then..) 

Yeah, I'll do the right thing when the right day comes 
But I don't like it much when they call me dum-dum. 
Life Is Good.

 

Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups 

by Michael Gutierrez-May

What do I want for breakfast on a February morn? 
What's gonna to fill me up and take my hunger pangs away? 
Sitting right there at the counter at my very favorite store, 
You know who you are 
You know I want you. 

Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups 
Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups 
Fill me up, take me someplace good 
You're the next best thing to coffee. 

What makes me wait in line 
At my local Trader Joe's? 
What makes me lick my lips, take my hunger pangs away? 
Sitting right there at the counter 
I could not ask for more. 
You know who you are 
You know I want you. 

Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups 
Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups 
Fill me up and make me feel so good 
You're the next best thing to ice cream. 

Coffee and Ice Cream 
Yes, they're ok. 
But I don't want them in the same way 
I want you! 

Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups 
Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups 
Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups 
(whistling solo) 

What makes me cry and pine? 
What makes me wait in line? 
What's close to the divine? 
You! 

Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups! 

@2012 by Michael Gutierrez-May

 

 

You Can Catch More Flies 
by Mari Koslowski and Michael Gutierrez-May 

No need to be sweet in word 
If you don't want me around 
No need to sugar coat it 
When you're wiping me onto the ground. 

You catch more flies with shit than honey 
You catch more flies with shit than honey 
I'm a little buzzy you'll smack down. 

Your voice drips with vinegar as you pretend to care 
The sweet and sour is catching in my throat 
And my brown hair. 

You catch more flies with shit than honey 
You catch more flies with shit than honey 
I'm a little buzzy lighting there. 

Rub your heels and walk away 
No one can say you didn't try 
You're the kind that always seems to find another fly. 

You catch more flies with shit than honey 
You catch more flies with shit than honey 
I'm tired, I'm buzzing on my way 
I'll find a different pile a different day. 

You catch more flies with shit than honey 
You catch more flies with shit than honey 
I'm a little buzzy you'll smack down 
Find a different pile 
I'm buzzing on my way. 


The Dogs of Omaha 
by Michael Gutierrez-May 

They come running around the corner at 100 miles an hour 
And they say, "You can't escape us," 
"We're the dogs of Omaha." 

"Welcome to our city, we will show you around 
And you'll buy us steaks for dinner," 
said the dogs of Omaha. 

"We will show you the Old Market, 
We will track down Warren Buffett, 
You'll be very glad you met us," 
said the Dogs of Omaha 

Arrroooooo-pant, pant, pant, pant 
Arrrrooooo-pant, pant, pant, pant 

"To the banks of the Missourt 
Although now they're overfllowing, 
Run you all the way to Boys Town," 
said the Dogs of Omaha. 

"And if you're getting tired, 
You can take us on the bus, 
We will drop you at the Zoo, 
Aren't you glad that you met us," 
said the Dogs of Omaha 
said the Dogs of Omaha. 

Arrrroooooo-pant, pant, pant, pant 
Arrrroooooo-pant, pant, pant, pant 

":Remember we want steaks for dinner, 
Yes, you'll be getting thinner," 
said the Dogs of Omaha 
said the Dogs of Omaha. 

Arrrroooooo-pant, pant, pant, pant 
Arrrroooooo-pant, pant, pant, pant 
Pant, pant, pant, pant 
Pant, pant, pant, pant. 

@2011 by Michael Gutierrez-May 


Good Night Sex 
by Michael Gutierrez-May 

Let's go to home depot, 
I hear it's open late 
24 hours round the clock 
I'm feeling pretty horny and it's quiet in the store 
We can do it while the stock boys stock. 

Chorus: 
We need a new place for good night sex, 
We did it at the drive in just last week. 
Only you and I will know 
We made love at Home Depot 
Just a rockin and a rollin cheek to cheek. 

We will walk into the store 
And we will just get lost 
24 hours around the clock 
If you run into your brother 
If I run into my mother 
We'll just tell them we were looking for a lock. 
(chorus) 

We need to find the moment 
The right household appliance 
Comfortable and roomy for our thrill. 
Just wear something flimsy 
With an easy access point 
And for you and me, it all will be downhill. 

@2011 by Michael Gutierrez-May

 

A Puerto Rican On The Moon 

by Michael Gutierrez-May

(with acknowledgment to "Boricua En La LunA"

Words by Juan Antonio Calletjer, music by Roy Brown)

Apollo landed there in 1969 
There was nobody else there at the time 
Nowadays if you want your own place 
You gotta travel to outer space 
So you take a Puerto Rican family 
Bring along the salsa and the rice and beans 
And the moon would be as happy as a place could be 
Dancing every night. 

Chorus: 
I'm a Puerto Rican on the moon 
I'm a Puerto Rican here, 
I'm a Puerto Rican there, 
I'm a Puerto Rican everywhere. 
A Puerto Rican on the moon. 

So here I am living here in the USA 
Second generation and I'm here to stay 
They don't speak Spanish here in the States 
I had to learn my Spanish from china plates 
But half a Puerto Rican is better than none 
Tells my Irish side to chill out, have fun 
You're as crazy cool as anyone. 
Dancing every night. 
(chorus) 

Look up in the sky and say, Oh Man 
They're still playing their music as loud as they can 
Puerto Rico is a postage stamp here below 
But up on the moon, Puerto Ricans run the show. 
(chorus twice to end) 

@2012 by Michael GUtierrez-May

 

You Can’t Take My Carrot (The Carrot Song)

by Michael Gutierrez-May 

My boss gave me a carrot because I was good 
But now I gotta give it away 
A cute little carrot with long green hair 
I don't want to give it away. 

Chorus: 
Oh, you can't take my carrot 
No, you can't take my carrot 
I won't let you take it away 
Oh, you can't take my carrot 
I earned my carrot 
And I want my carrot to stay right here. 

I need to give my carrot to someone else 
Someone who is helpful to me 
But maybe they would like an apple or a peach 
Yep, the carrot is staying with me. 
(chorus) 

The HR people came for my carrot 
I kept it for more than a day 
So sue me if I am not a team player 
I don't want to give my carrot away 
(chorus then..) 

Right here, in my desk, with my pencils 
And my squeeze ball and the swizzle stick from last year 
And the leftover refrigerator magnets... 

@2011 by Michael Gutierrez-May

 

Groucho (from Fifty Miles Away)

by Michael Gutierrez-May

No one writes songs about Groucho 
The funniest man there ever was 
No one writes songs about Groucho 

No one writes songs about Groucho 
Is it because he couldn't sing? 
Is why a duck too obvious? 

Someone should write a song about Groucho 
So I decided it would be me. 
A song in tribute or a tribute in song 
To the funniest man there ever was. 

Yay, Groucho! 
Yay, Groucho! 
Yay, Groucho! 

@2011 by Michael Gutierrez-May

 

Thanks to my live engineers Steve Friedman and Eric Gulliksen at Catbird Cafe, South Weymouth, Mass

and Bob Crownfield at Pilgrim Sands Motel, Plymouth, Mass. 

Upcoming adventures
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